Dear Richard Madeley: My daughter’s naughty dog wreaks havoc whenever he comes over

He’s a lovely pooch, but he does cause undue damage to our furnishings. How do we bring up this issue with her?

I am writing to you on a summer’s day with a wintry problem.
My husband and I are in our 70s. We always host Christmas for my daughter and her three children. This year they left their dog with us for their three-week holiday. He’s lovely but untrained and wrought havoc on our furnishings, many of which have had to be professionally cleaned or replaced. 
I can’t handle the dog for any length of time again, but I couldn’t bear not to have our grandchildren with us for the festive season either, so how do I broach the issue of the dog and Christmas?
It’s begun to prey on me and I’d like to have a plan in place. Can you help?
— Elaine, via email
Well, you’ve got your Christmas list in early: ‘Dear Santa – please, no dog!’
I can’t say I blame you. It’s not your dog, but you made a valiant attempt to home it for three weeks this year. That’s a big favour, especially as it wasn’t well trained. You have credit in the bank. And you’re right to flag this up earlier rather than later. 
I think you should use a classic management technique here. Tell your daughter you have a problem. Say you’d like to share it with her, and explain that if she could find a way to help you, you’d be eternally grateful. 
That way you admit that it’s your problem, but you subtly shift the responsibility for solving it on to her, as an act of kindness to you – a gesture that at some point, in some way, will be reciprocated. 
There are lots of practical options open to your daughter. The dog doesn’t know it’s Christmas so unless your daughter is lost in an anthropomorphic fantasy, it will be as happy with ­someone else as it was with you earlier this year. Or, alternatively, in kennels. 
But stand your ground, Elaine. I repeat, it’s not your dog. But it is your home, they are your soft furnishings – and it is your Christmas. 
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